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Bar/Bat Mitzvah Guide
Photo: Oseh Shalom's Social Hall decked out for a Bar Mitzvah. But you are also thinking about all the friends and relatives with whom you want to share this momentous day. This page offers you information on how to help your child prepare for the event with school staff and with private tutors. It tells you about meetings, special events, photography, ways to honor relatives and just about anything else you can think of. It also offers information on kosher and non-kosher caters, special donations to honor this event and more. So, welcome to the great adventure.
Requirements for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah
The date of your child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah must be on the synagogue's calendar. You will receive a date the January of the year your child will turn. If you do not have a date for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, please call the Office Administrator so that arrangements can be made.
We ask that all Bar/Bat Mitzvah families sponsor a Kiddush for the congregation following the Saturday morning service. Even if the reception is elsewhere, it is important to have a few minutes to greet friends and family, to wish them Shabbat Shalom, and to enjoy the beauty of the day. Also, it is a mitzvah to provide a Kiddush for congregation members who come together for Shabbat. Our Sisterhood sets up a basic wine and challah Kiddush, covered by your Bar/Bat Mitzvah fee. If you wish, the Sisterhood can also cater a more elaborate Kiddush luncheon at an additional reasonable cost. If you wish to arrange a Kiddush through the Sisterhood that is more elaborate than the basic wine and challah, please contactl Marilyn Rifkin, (mriffkin@juno.com) our sisterhood caterer. Marilyn provides high quality service at an in-house price with a profits going to Sisterhood. If you prefer, you may bring in a Kosher caterer to provide your Kiddush. When we have a double service and one family rents the social hall for a reception following the service, the Kiddush is held in the lobby or classrooms 10 and 11. Holding Your Celebration at Oseh Shalom If you would like to host more than the basic Kiddush, you must reserve the Social Hall. Oseh Shalom's social hall is a convenient and lovely place to hold the celebration after a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Call the office for rental fees. The most cost effect way to hold a kosher luncheon it to let the Oseh Shalom Sisterhood cater for you. We can host a full service reception for you with meat or dairy entrees, appetizers and desserts. Sisterhood stocks cloth table clothes and many other accessories to enhance your event. Contact Marilyn Rifkin, (mriffkin@juno.com) for details. If you wish to reserve space, we suggest doing so as far in advance as possible to ensure you are not disappointed. However, you are welcome to contact us at any date to see if the room you want is available. When we schedule a double ceremony, the family whose request has the earliest office date stamp will have first preference. The second family may opt to use of the social hall on the same day but at a different time. You can rent rooms 10 and 11 independently from the social hall for a small sit-down event. Rooms 10 and 11 can accommodate table seating for 70-80 persons. Since the Kitchen must be shared under these circumstances, the family using the classrooms must be flexible in their selection of menu to ensure that there is no conflict with the social hall caterer. For this to work, the two families may use the same caterer or the classroom event must use the Sisterhood as their caterer. The details of such a rental have to be worked out on a case-by-case basis. Unless you make specific reservations for the day or evening of your celebration, the calendar coordinator will assume that the building is available for use by other organizations or individuals. Kosher Caterers We have a kosher kitchen. Our wonderful sisterhood caterer can provides a fantastic lunch or dinner for 25-250 people. Contact the office for more information. You are welcome to use outside caterers who are certified as kosher by a recognized Rabbinical Council may use our kitchen facilities. Certain outside caterers who are not certified as kosher will be able to use our kitchen under the following conditions:
Alcohol at Reception Many youngsters may be attending the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service and the receptions. Don't forget to remind the caterer that alcoholic drinks should not be served to minors. Deliveries All deliveries to the synagogue must be noted on the appropriate forms and turned in to the office no later than 10 days before the event. Deliveries should be made between the hours of 9:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. Music As part of your Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration, you are welcome to include a DJ, Live Band or other music on Shabbat. Photographs/Video NO photographs may be taken during the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service. However, you are welcome to arrange a time before or after the service to take pictures in the sanctuary. We suggest the Thursday or Friday before the service, when you and your family are likely less tense and would not be violating the spirit of Shabbat. The week after the service is even better for relaxed shots. Pictures may be taken in parts of the building on Shabbat. All Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremonies are videotaped for each family. We record using VHS format. Please keep in mind that although we take much care in producing the videotape, we cannot avoid technical problems which occur from time to time. This is a sacred event. Please keep the following notes in mind.
Friday Night Before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah It is often the custom for the student, and the mother and grandmother(s), or other family members, to lead the lighting of Shabbat candles on the Friday night before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service. Should you choose this option, please let Rabbi Heifitz know by indicating on the Service Checklist. We suggest that the family sponsor the Oneg Shabbat on Friday night. Contact the Sisterhood Oneg Rep at least 8 weeks before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to sponsor the Oneg. All students lead the recitation of the Kiddush (blessing over the wine) during services on Friday evening. Special congregational programs or services may be held on the Friday night preceding your Bar/Bat Mitzvah or during the Saturday service. It is usually possible, however, for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah person, family members, or friends to participate in the service. Please understand that although this is an important day for you and for your family, the Friday night and Saturday morning services are congregational services at which you will be participating in special ways. Saturday Morning: Families should arrive at the synagogue by 9:40 a.m. on Saturday morning. Students Leading the Service: The student is encouraged to lead as much of the Saturday morning service as possible at the service. You can discuss options with the Rabbi and your tutor.
Family Participation A Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a celebration for the entire family. Brothers, sisters, and other family members may take part in the service. Many options for participation and additions to the service are available, and Rabbi Heifitz will be happy to discuss these possibilities with you. Honors You will want to begin thinking early about the honors you can give to family members and friends. There are numerous honors that can be given out. For a single Bar/Bat Mitzvah, seven aliyot (blessings and after each Torah reading) are given out. Please indicate the English and Hebrew names of the people to whom you wish to give aliyot. Each individual's Hebrew name consists of his/her Hebrew name and the Hebrew names of his/her father and /or mother. A transliteration of the blessing recited before the Torah is included in this Handbook (see appendix #2) This transliteration can be given in advance to those being honored with an aliyah, thus giving them the opportunity to review the blessings before being called up to the Torah. Call the synagogue office to request additional transliterations. Some of your family or guests may need to practice the Torah blessings in advance. Please encourage them to review the blessings prior to the service. If you wish, we can also provide you with tapes of the chanting and/or reading of the blessings. In this way, no one will be embarrassed by inadequate preparation. Please note that it is the minhag (custom) at Oseh Shalom to wear a tallit (prayer shawl) when a Torah aliyah blessing is recited. Please inform those who will be given an aliyah that a tallit should be worn when they are called up to the Torah. Torah Readers We encourage family members (above the age of 13) to participate in the service by reading from the Torah. Obviously, this high honor is a more difficult task than the usual "aliya" honor which involves reciting the blessing before and after the Torah reading. If you wish to ask a family member of friend to read from the Torah, please call the synagogue office so that we can have our Torah Reading Coordinator contact you. Many Torah readings are assigned to congregants months in advance. Please notify us quickly so that we can accommodate your request as much as possible. Torah reading is a special skill. Knowledge of Hebrew alone does not qualify someone to read Torah. Torah reading requires diligent preparation. Please make sure that whomever you invite to read Torah possesses the requisite skill and will be able to take the necessary time to prepare. Other Honors Other honors include lifting, unwrapping and wrapping the Torah, Ark openings and closings, special prayers or readings. Although certain honors are appropriate for family members or friends who are Jewish, the Service Checklist contains opportunities to include and honor non-Jewish guests. For double Bar/Bat Mitzvah, there are additional opportunities for Jewish or non-Jewish family members and friends to participate in the service by leading English readings. Musical Requests Some families wish to include additional musical selections or have preferred melodies for certain prayers. Please discuss your suggestions with Cantor Bernhardt. Ushers and Congregational Gifts Please ask one or more congregational members to greet your guests and hand out prayerbooks, etc. as guests enter. If you are unable to choose a congregational member, and would like to have one of your invited guests assist, please tell Judee Iliff when you meet with her. Representatives of the Congregation and Sisterhood will present the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student with special gifts as part of the service. Please indicate on the Service Checklist if there is a congregant or Sisterhood member whom you would like to present the gift. Please remember to inform them of the honor you have given them! Tzedaka -- Honoring the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Many families contribute to or give a gift to the synagogue in honor of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This is a meaningful way to mark the occasion for everyone in the family, and to express support for the synagogue. We also encourage families to support the international Jewish hunger relief campaign called Mazon. Families who participate pledge three percent of the cost of their party/reception to this organization, which forwards all of the contributions to alleviate hunger throughout the world. Information may be obtained through the synagogue office. Confirmation Program We hope that you will enroll your student in our Confirmation Program. Students from grades 8-12 are eligible for this special program which emphasizes students' educational and social needs. For more information, call the Religious School Office. Synagogue Office 301/498-5151
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